Geekery

It’s all Geek to me

Posted on 04. Jan, 2010 by Jake.

Recently I mentioned that non-geeks tend to complain that geek-speak is hard to understand as an outsider. Whiny as these non-geeks may be they are absolutely right, and not only do we have our own language but our own code too. For those lesser geeks who have never heard of it, The Geek Code was invented by Robert Hayden as a way for us to communicate exactly what kind of geek we are to our fellow geeks. There are various versions of the code, the latest being v3.12.

The geek code is used by geeks universally. It’s basically a few lines of code that define our level of geekdom and our personalities. Generating a geek code entails choosing from a variety of options including Type of Geek, Appearance, Age, level of computer literacy, politics and entertainment interests. Once you have generated your own code you are invited to add your geek code your signature file. The result? Other geeks will be able to know exactly where you stand, both as a geek and as a human being, just by looking at your code.

Being a geek is one thing, but these days more info is needed. How much do you pwn when it comes to computers, are you a PC or Mac user, are you left wing or right wing, do you love Star Trek or worship Babylon 5? Generate your own geek code and other geeks will be able to determine the above and more without even having to ask.

My geek code is:

—–BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK—–
Version: 3.1
GMC d? s+:- a- C+++ U+>$ P+ L- E W+++$ N++ o+++ K+++++ w++ O M+ V PS+ PE Y+ PGP++(++)>++ t–(–)>– 5+ X R tv- b+++ DI++ D++ G e+++ h r y+(+)
——END GEEK CODE BLOCK——

To decode it and find out a little more about me than the average person would want to know plug my code into :
The Geek Code Decoder .

To generate your own code automatically go
here.

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Virtual smoking

Posted on 04. Jan, 2010 by Jake.

Smoking used to be so much more fun. Back in the day smoking a Stuyvesant was an automatic passport to the good life, just one puff and the smoker was instantly transported to someone’s private yacht to drink expensive alcohol while cavorting with semi-naked models . Or, if adventure was your thing, a drag of a Camel used to be the only satisfying end to a nice swing through the jungle. These were the days before smoking was bad for you, and so absolutely everyone used to smoke freely, in restaurants, in movies, on aeroplanes, in hospitals and churches. But no more. Today’s smoker is a lonely creature, rejected and marginalised, forced outside to get their fix even in the dead of winter, scolded by doctors and ostracised by friends. Even the most committed smoker could be forgiven for attempting to quit. But like rock ‘n roll, smoking isn’t dead – it’s just gotten safer and more electronic – Twisp, the first electronic cigarette available in South Africa, offers smokers a nicotine fix without the actual smoke – instead emitting a kind of vapour that is apparently free of tar and carcinogenic compounds.

I don’t smoke, since I am unfortunately neither a wealthy playboy on a yacht or a rugged jungle adventurer. So to check out the Twisp had to rely on the testimony of my friend Wessel, once a committed smoker but now a despicable traitor who has sold out by buying the Twisp Dura C E-Cigarette. Wessel says that he has, so far, been able to stop smoking normal cigarettes due to switching to the Dura C. He says that it is more similar to smoking a hubby bubbly than a cigarette.
Wessel says that while he can get his nicotine fix using the Twisp he still finds it hard to get used to the feel of the cold, hard cigarette that appears to be made from porcelain, and to inhaling, which he says lacks the ‘burn’ that he craves most when smoking. On the other hand, though, he enjoys being able to finally smoke in restaurants and films again, and says that the device is also a good conversation piece.

Depending on which Twisp cartridge you choose you could pay from 800 to 1000 rand for a starter pack which will include everything you need to get smoking. On top of that one needs to replace the liquid that goes in the cartridges every now and then at R250 a pop. Expensive perhaps, but it works out as much cheaper than buying a pack a day over the course of a year. And yes, the Twisp is a lot healthier than normal smoking, but if you look in the mirror one day to find that, despite not owning a yacht or ever doing any jungle exploration you are still a smoker with rapidly decaying lungs, rather than rushing out to get gum or patches or even bizarre electronic cigarettes maybe the best option is to quit the old fashioned way – cold turkey.

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Water is so hot right now

Posted on 17. Dec, 2009 by Jake.

Let’s face it. Water is often boring. Maybe not when it’s in a swimming pool or the sea and certainly not during devastating floods. But water that comes out of the faucet at the tap near you is just totally yawn-worthy. Yes, I know, without it we’d die, but I would suggest that very few people would bother with it if they didn’t have to and, perhaps unsurprisingly, it is an unpopular topic at dinner parties. So it stands to reason that, at some stage, someone will invent a gadget that intends to give water a much-needed makeover and make it a bit more exciting. The Colour Changing Faucet Light manufactured by the not-too-manly company LaFemme Products transforms the water coming out of your faucet into a vibrant bright blue when cold and a festive red when hot. Could this be the PR boost that water from the tap so sorely needs?

The Faucet Light doesn’t just sit around looking pretty. It has a purpose. By changing the colour of the water using LCD lights when it gets hot, the product stops those who use its faucet from inadvertently burning themselves. Which may not win its manufacturers a Nobel Prize, but as someone who burns himself fairly often I can appreciate the sentiment.

All in all, a fun and not altogether useless product that will only set you back roughly R200 including packaging and postage if you order it from Amazon.com. My biggest problem with the gadget is that it makes water look so beautifully colourful that one’s natural first reaction would be to stare at it flowing from the tap for hours on end – which is not a great idea in these hard times of dwindling water supplies. But, used with restraint the Faucet Light may save you from a blister or two, and that’s never a bad thing.

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Speaking geek

Posted on 16. Dec, 2009 by Jake.

I often hear poor jealous non-geeks complaining that geeks have their own language – a difficult and unique patois that can’t be understood by outsiders.

I went online to see if a n00b would be able to learn to speak geek using nothing but Google.

There are various sites offering dictionaries of geek terminology. Many of them, like the Webopedia, offer nothing more than boring IT definitions – and let’s face it, if you are a true geek you probably know what DHCP, OEM or CMOS means already, and if you’re not chances are you don’t want to know. Of much more interest to geek and non-geek alike are the definitions on Mainfraim.org’s GeekSpeak – it has definitions of some hilarious and uniquely geeky phrases, many of which perfectly capture the geek’s tendency to apply terms that used to be reserved for computers to everyday life.

Selected highlights:
Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. “Ask Larry, he’s the alpha geek around here.”
Doorstop: A computer that is no longer considered fast enough or to contain insufficient storage, etc. for use in normal work. All 286’s and 386’s are doorstops. Most 486’s are now doorstops. Soon we’ll see Pentium doorstops.
Egosurfing: Scanning the net, databases, print media, or research papers looking for the mention of your name.
Let’s take this off-line: Let’s talk about this later, after the meeting.
Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired.

For a comprehensive list of internet acronyms/ chat slang/ jargon, click here.

Sure, everyone knows what it means to LOL, and most people are familiar with the phrase WTF. But there the list includes some truly obscure examples, my favourite being :

BSEG – Big sh*t eating grin
DDSOS – Different day, same sh*t
IANAL – I am not a lawyer (expect an uninformed opinion)

So yes, we do have our own language, but don’t despair, with the help of Google even the greenest n00b will be talking like an uber-geek in no time. Good luck.

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Top Ten Geek Pick-up Lines

Posted on 14. Dec, 2009 by Jake.

From the beginning of time, Geeks have drawn the short straw with the ladies. I say we take a stand. In today’s technology driven world, who is to say that “Geek Jargon” isn’t the in thing?

I have found a list of my favourite Geek Pick-up Lines that are sure to turn the average guy from geek to sleek in no time! Even if they don’t get the ladies going, they are a pretty good laugh so here goes:

• Baby, you make my floppy disk turn into a hard drive!
• What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: We’ll add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply.
• Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell it on my calculator!
• I wish I was your secant line so I could touch you in two places.
• That dress would look better accelerating to the floor at 9.8 m/s/s.
• Forget Hydrogen, YOU are my number one element.
• You have 206 bones in your body… want one more?
• You are as sweet as 3.14
• I’m like a rubrix cube… the longer you play with me, the harder I get.
• Are you the square root of 2? ‘Cause I feel irrational around you.

If these pick-up lines don’t work for you, you can find more at www.funny-pick-up-lines.com/geek-nerd-pick-up-lines.html.

Best of luck with the ladies this holiday season!

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