Geekery

When Geeks Go Bad

Posted on 07. Oct, 2009 by Jake.

The problem with being a geek is that, for some reason, people feel that they can take advantage of you. I think that this is because generally, geeks are intelligent, nice people and not particularly well built. Add these three factors together and you have the recipe for exploitation. “Give me free IT advice, Jake”. “Format my PC, Jake”. “Invent a robot capable of tending to my every need, Jake”. You get the idea…

There comes a time, though, when all geeks have to stand up for their rights. Take their power back. No more Mister Nice Geek. This week’s post is dedicated to these brave geeks.

Unlike when dumber human beings engage in terrorist acts, geek terrorism tends to be subtler, less bloody, but far more thoughtful than the average revolutionary act. Take this unsung geek hero, for example, who decided to take revenge on his neighbours, who were steeling his wireless internet. Don’t mess with a geek, unless you want to spend some time browsing the upside down web.

Nerds aren’t the same as geeks. The distinction would require a whole other blog post. However, the nerd and the geek are ideological allies, and so I feel it’s necessary to include this laudable attempt on the part of nerds to organise themselves politically. The Nerd Liberation Movement sees nerds standing up for their rights,

“The Nerd Liberation Movement is dedicated to people who are smart and are not afraid to admit it. In today’s society, smart people are persecuted. We learn to act stupid so that normal people are comfortable around us. Some of us are tired of hiding the fact that we are intelligent people. We want to be able to express our intellect without ridicule”. Amandla!

It’s not only nerds who get a bit militant sometime. Militant geek is a home those eager to kick-start the geek revolution. Ok, well, so actually the site sells T-Shirts. Ernesto ‘Che’ Guevara would not be proud. Still, the site does back-up my claim that geeks have had enough!

Not all geeks are ready to take up arms, though. This letter speaks of promoting integration between geeks and jocks, and dares to dream of a world where jocks and geeks all get along:  Inspiring stuff.

Continue Reading

Things that make you go hmmm

Posted on 17. Sep, 2009 by Jake.

I am pro-technology. I write a technology blog, so I don’t suppose this revelation will come as a surprise to you. Technology facilitates the advancement of the human race. No self-respecting technology blog reader would disagree.

However, sometimes technology is used for something so mind-bogglingly pathetic that it actually sets mankind back. Inventions so retarded that they make you feel that maybe life was better in caveman days after all, because at least back then no-one would have been able to manufacture something as stupid as the subjects of this here blog – things that should never have been invented.

For example, there are some people out there who are so lazy that they feel that lifting the toilet seat is just too much of an effort. There are others who are so obsessed with hygiene that they require rubber gloves in order to shake your hand. These people have gotten together to create one of the least necessary inventions of all time – the hands free automatic toilet seat.

Then, let me tell you about a friend of mine. He has a Roboraptor. It is a robotic dinosaur that runs around your house causing chaos for no apparent good reason. I would pay good money not to have one of these in my home. Along with the Tamagotchi, the Furbey and Sims, the inventor of this deserves a free frontal lobotomy. Get a kitten.

So we’ve messed up the world beyond repair and are hurtling towards extinction. But, don’t stress, there’s a solution. A car that has absolutely no power, no space, and is light enough for people to throw it into rivers. Which they actually do, enough for Smart Car Tipping to make the news: The dumbest part about the ironically named Smart Car is that it still runs on gas, and has the exact same fuel economy as other similarly small cars. Rather get a bicycle. Less people will laugh at you when they see you riding around in it.

Ok, so this is less an example of technology than something invented for technology to wear. But laptops don’t need clothing, I hear you protest. Yes they do, say the people who will earn money if they actually manage to convince anyone of this. “Well, why SHOULDN’T your laptop be warm & cozy too?” these people say. Don’t allow these people to prosper.

And finally, an invention so hilariously inane that it speaks for itself.  Allow me to introduce the DVD rewinder.
Nuff said I think.

Continue Reading

Geeks are So Hot Right Now

Posted on 04. Sep, 2009 by Jake.

Geek style may strike you as a bit of an oxymoron. However, there are examples on the net, all of which amuse me because they fail to realise that true geeks like me would never be style conscious enough to dress geek on purpose. In fact, I try my best not to look like a geek, so that I can blend in and study the habits of the non-geeks undetected.

But examples of supposed “geek style” do exist.

Recycled circuit board cufflinks, anyone?

Or, for the ladies, check out these hot geek dress tips for the summer.

And, if you really want to label yourself ‘geek’, try this slick range of t-shirts:
Ok, though, I admit, some of these actually are awesome.

However, the problem is that this placing of geek culture on a pedestal will only lead to a plethora of wannabes attempting to go geek. For ages now, the geek has been seen as ‘in’, ‘trendy’, desirable even. People who buy into this nonsense are missing the point. Now I know how the few genuine goths (by which I mean people who wear too much black and listen to too much Dead Can Dance, not the ancient Scandinavian marauders) must have felt when ‘normal people’ started to bite their style, leading to one of the most tragic crimes against humanity ever committed – emo culture. They must have felt depressed. Which is how they felt beforehand anyway. But still, you get my drift. We can’t afford to have a bunch of clueless n00bs trying to act like geeks, as it will make us all look bad.

Did I suggest in the previous paragraph that geeks are seen as desirable? Yes, I did. And here’s proof:

For those of you who don’t have time to follow the link, I’ll summarise. Studies have shown that women are more attracted to men with higher cognitive abilities than their average (read dumb) peers. And I quote, “As to why do females favour more intelligent males, the researcher says that intelligence seems to act as an indicator of the genetic quality of a potential mate, and the genes he will pass onto his offspring”.
You hear that ladies? Call me.

And for those of you wannabe geeks out there, there is help available. WikiHow has more articles than necessary on how to be a proper geek. A warning, though, as ‘How to become a geek’ wisely points out, “If you aren’t truly a geek at heart, it’s risky trying to become one. You’ll probably end up becoming a n00b. True Adorable Geekdom is only attainable by naturals”.

• How to become a geek;
• How to be a computer geek;
• How to be a cool geek;

In closing, some questions need to be asked. Who writes these posts for Wikihow and, more importantly, why? What’s in it for them? Don’t they have anything better to do? Like start a technology and science blog, for instance. It’s what any self-respecting, genuine geek would do.

Continue Reading

Of Zombies, Malcolm Gladwell, and All Gold

Posted on 24. Aug, 2009 by Jake.

What would happen if a major city were attacked by a mob of zombies? This is a problem that keeps any sensible person awake at night. Fortunately science has the answer. Unfortunately, it’s not pretty.

According to “WHEN ZOMBIES ATTACK!: MATHEMATICAL MODELLING OF AN OUTBREAK OF ZOMBIE INFECTION”, produced by researchers at University of Ottawa, a zombie attack would need to be dealt with swiftly to thwart a major catastrophe. Their mathematical model demonstrates that human civilisation would quickly be overwhelmed without fierce resistance.

So fear not. In case of invasion, attack; don’t hold back! Passive resistance or attempts to understand your enemy will be useless. Go get karate lessons… And buy a chainsaw!

Bear in mind that you’re going to have to destroy the zombie’s brain. The simplest way is to chop off it’s head, but, as this handy guide explains, it is sufficient to attack the cerebellum or brain stem. The zombie does not require the other parts of its brain for everyday rampaging.

Note that not any shot to the head will target the brain stem. To prepare, I suggest you memorise this diagram.

Returning to our study, the word ‘infection’ is a clue that this is more than just indulgent geekery (not that there’s anything wrong with that!)

The model could be useful in predicting the spread of vicious infectious diseases and determine if an aggressive response (which could be expensive or dangerous) is justified.

There is another interesting model for the spread of theoretical concepts.

Most of you will have heard of a new trend on the net described as a meme. Gossip sites like Gawker are always reporting on how some seemingly pointless, meaningless trend is being imitated from Williamsburg to Orlando.

What you might not know is that the word was coined by the renowned biologist (and celebrity atheist) Richard Dawkins. He argues that ideas can be measured as cultural units that can be measured in terms of social evolution.

The idea is complicated and not without its critics (I’m not crazy about it) but it can be a useful terms for understanding why some ideas stick and some fade away.

Before he became the rock star of the lecture circuit, Malcolm Gladwell was writing incisive pieces on unlikely phenomena. My favourite: why does bland tomato sauce persist while gourmet alternatives fail to capture the public imagination?

So I conclude with the most persuasive reasons for being a patriotic South African: the overwhelming superiority of All Gold.

Continue Reading

Google versus Microsoft’s Bing

Posted on 03. Aug, 2009 by Jake.

Ok, so English was never the most fascinating subject for me back in the day. No surprises right? Gimme a comp sci, science or biology class any day over another reading of ye olde Will Shakes and I was a happier kid. Having said that, this stuff is just a little bit more interesting than trying to conjugate your average verbs.

The verb ‘to Google’ was chosen by the American Dialect Society as the ‘most useful word of 2002’, according to the most useful innovation of the 21st century, Wikipedia (incidentally, my go-to source for first stop info).

Too useful, in fact, for the lawyers of Google Incorporated to sleep easily at night.  If ‘to Google’ is merely to perform an internet search then it doesn’t matter how that search is achieved, right? It’s understandable that Google wants to protect its trademark from entering mainstream use, but does this make marketing sense? Xerox managed to protect their brand, but would anyone looking for a photocopy machine favour a Xerox over another big name? If they did once, it just ain’t like that anymore. And the internet age has increased the rate of change – and the rate at which we forget.

Farhad Manjoo argued persuasively in Slate mag that Microsoft’s new search engine, Bing, doesn’t try to out-Google Google, a strategy that has tended for every other attempted player, to fail. Rather, Microsoft’s product is no worse than Google (and sometimes, according to David Pogue in the New York Times, it’s better).

Instead, the company aims to outmaneuver Google by presenting Bing as users’ default search engine at every opportunity they have. And being Microsoft, there are plenty of opportunities. In turn, they want you ‘to Bing’.

Unless Google can maintain a clear technological edge that distinguishes Googling from Binging( try say that fast five times!) then browsers will search with whatever they’re presented with. For now, Google has entered our daily language and, with it, our consciousness. Why give that up? Some things are too sacred for even Microsoft to hold a monopoly on.

Continue Reading