Geekery

Geek God – David Gemmell

Posted on 15. Dec, 2009 by Jake.

This may come as a bit of a shock to those of you who are fans of both Gemmell and this blog – but I’m not a fan. Nonetheless, such a large number of my geek compadres idolise the late fantasy author so much so that I am forced to declare him a Geek God. While detractors like me find his stuff a tad repetitive, a friend of mine and a rabid fan of Gemmell’s says “I don’t care if he writes the same story over and over again – it’s a great story.”

Gemmell (August 1, 1948 – July 28, 2006) wrote over thirty novels and has sold millions of copies worldwide. Interestingly, he grew up in a poor, urban area of London and his father left at an early age, which led to him being mercilessly teased as a child. However contrary to those who may think that due to his status as a Geek God David Gemmell must have been weedy, he was actually very tough and hardcore. Although he preferred reading books to physical activity his dad convinced him to take up boxing as a way of toughening up. It worked. Gemmell was expelled from school at the age of sixteen for organizing a gambling syndicate and was arrested several times while still under 20. He later became a construction worker and a bouncer at nightclubs, before his mum set him up an interview with a London newspaper. Apparently, Gemmell was hired despite having no experience because he was very arrogant during the job interview, which his future employers mistook for confidence. At any rate, this job started him on a journey as a writer, which would culminate in Gemmell having his first novel published at age 36.

Gemmell’s first and most successful book, called Legend, was published in 1984. Since then he churned them out, until his unexpected death from a heart attack in 2006. His books, as those who have read them will know, are heroic fantasy novels, usually with tons of violence and a super-macho hero who kicks ass and takes names throughout. Why do geeks love reading about men so far removed from their own world of desks and PCs? Whatever the reason, the amount of bona-fide geeks who have become obsessed with the worlds Gemmell created for you to escape to earn him his place in the pantheon of Geek Gods.

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Geek God – Stephen Hawking

Posted on 27. Nov, 2009 by Jake.

Many Geek icons refute the notion that, as a man, you need to be big and athletic to succeed in life. But no one symbolises the triumph of brains over brawn as much as UK theoretical physicist Steven Hawking. Despite having neuro muscular dystrophy that has rendered him completely paralysed, Hawking is one of the most celebrated scientists living today.

In 1988 his book A Brief History of Time became a best seller, a turn of events that surprised even Hawking himself. Other than the book, though, the man’s achievements are hard to explain in layman’s terms. Hawking’s early work involved the proving of singularity theorems, which provide a set of sufficient conditions for the existence of singularity in space-time. He went on to develop important theories regarding The Big Bang and black holes. His studies have since focussed on a bewildering array of physics phenomenon including “quantum cosmology, cosmic inflation, helium production in anisotropic Big Bang universes, large N cosmology, the density matrix of the universe, topology and structure of the universe, baby universes, Yang-Mills instantons and the S matrix gravitational radiation and wormholes” to name a few. You know, the usual. Notably, in the last few decades he has also been one of the most outspoken voices in creating awareness of environmental issues.

Hawking’s trophy cabinet is a particularly impressive one – he has been heaped with accolades since 1975, when he won the Eddington Medal, his latest being the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the US’s highest civilian honour, awarded to him by Barack Obama this year. He has had statues built in his likeness (including one at Cape Town’s African Institute for Mathematical Sciences) and institutes named after him.

He has also kept himself in the popular culture limelight, appearing as himself on The Simpsons and Futurama, being portrayed in a few episodes of Family Guy (they recreated his voice using a Macintosh voice synthesiser) and even becoming something of a pop star – his actual voice has been featured on the Pink Floyd track ‘Keep Talking’, and he has been fictionalised as rapper MC Hawking.

And perhaps the most impressive bit is that Hawking has a sense of humour, not an easy thing to retain when fate has rendered you completely immobile. When asked what came before the Big Bang, he replied that it is a silly question, “like asking what lies North of the North pole”. A genius with a sense of humour, and a bonafide Geek God.

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Geek God – Steve Wozniak

Posted on 17. Nov, 2009 by Jake.

The original inventor at Apple HQ

A major oversite (geddit?) took place on this blog when I declared Steve Jobs a Geek God. Sure, the guy deserves some credit for turning Apple into the global mega-brand it is today. But the real geek genius, the inventor, is his partner Steve Wozniack.

Known affectionately as ‘The Woz’, ‘iWoz’ and the ‘Wonderful Wizard of Woz’, Wozniack is a geek’s geek – he was the one whose bedroom as a young man was filled with bizarre electronic devices of his own invention, who would invent cool gadgets just to impress his friends at parties and who had to be convinced by the more business-savvy Jobs that there may actually be a market for this ‘personal computer’ idea he’d been tinkering with. If The Woz would never have become a multimillionaire (back in 1980 when that was still a lot of money) without Jobs and his business sense, then the same goes the other way around – none of Apple’s true technological innovations could have taken place without the Wonderful Wizard of Woz.

The invention that made him famous was the first PC, the Apple 1. The machine sounds like a joke now – a  $25 microprocessor (MOS 6502) on a single-circuit board with 256 bytes of ROM, 4K or 8K bytes of RAM and a 40 character by 24-row display controller. The user was expected to supply the case, power supply, keyboard and display themselves. The Apple 1 was fairly expensive $666.66 (Wozniack says he has no idea of the supposedly satanic connotations of the number and just chose the price because he ‘likes repeating digits’). Apple 2 introduced innovations such as high res and the floppy disk drive. Wozniack designed all the software as well as the hardware for these early machines.

Since his early innovations iWoz has been quite low key. An aircraft accident gave him amnesia in 1981, and when he eventually returned to Apple in 1983 he was just employed as an engineer. He has been involved with pioneering useful things such as early GPS technology as well as the universal remote control. He still receives a paycheck from Apple (even though he stopped being a full-time employee in 1987) and is a shareholder in the company.

The Woz is a true geek icon, proving that with enough tech savvy you can be a success in life without an iota of business or dress sense. Respect.

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Geek God – Neil Gaiman

Posted on 06. Nov, 2009 by Jake.

Being a geek god shouldn’t just be reserved for those involved in the worlds of IT or technology or science. A true geek, contrary to the cliché, does not spend every waking hour on the computer. A true Geek also loves to read. And usually, Geeks love to read science fiction and fantasy and dark comedy and any truly brilliant writing which takes your mind to places it has never been before. Neil Gaiman is one of the few writers living today who can lay claim to having created work which encompasses elements of all the above.

Comic book geeks will know him mainly for the incredible Sandman series, a fantasy comic so layered and well-versed in myths and legends that it makes most other adult-oriented graphic novels look like Richie Rich. The series is based on the exploits of the endless, a group of mythical beings who existed since time did and who embody different natural forces of the universe, called Dream, Desire, Delerium, Despair, Destruction, and Destiny. Dream, or the Sandman, is the main character. The comic inspired one of the most respected writers who ever lived, Norman Mailer, to remark “along with all else, Sandman is a comic strip for intellectuals, and I say it’s about time.”

Those who prefer their books without pictures may know him for his novels, all of which have been heaped with critical praise. There was 1990’s ‘Good Omens’ a collaboration with the ultra-prolific king of fantasy-comedy , Terry Pratchett, followed by 2001’s ‘American Gods’, and 2005’s ‘Anansi Boys’. He has also written a bunch of books for kids, including his latest, ‘The Graveyard Book’, rated by some as his best yet, ‘The Day I Swapped My Dad For Two Goldfish’, ‘Stardust’ and ‘Coraline’, both of which have become major films, the former staring Claire Daines and Robert De Niro and the latter a stop-frame animation.

Speaking of film, Gaiman has become increasingly involved as a screenwriter, co-writing the script for 2007’s ‘Beowulf’ with Roger Avery, and is currently working on a script based on Nicholson Baker’s novel ‘The Fermata’ alongside Robert Zemeckis. He also wrote ‘Neverwhere’, a ’90s BBC television series.

Gaiman has won so many awards that the idea of listing them all bores me. His extremely obsessive fans (such as me) and penchant for black clothes and leather often causes people to refer to him as the ‘rock star of the literary world’. But Gaiman’s too intelligent to be a rock star, so I declare him a Geek God instead.

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Geek Goddess – Kari Byron

Posted on 30. Oct, 2009 by Jake.

Very seldom, but sometimes, Geek Gods also happen to be female and extremely hot. When this rare occurrence takes place one has to celebrate one of the only occasions on which nature has created a perfect balance between intellect and beauty. And Kari Byron from Mythbusters is undoubtedly one of the hottests geek in the world.

Anyone who watches the show today may get the feeling that Byron is a television personality who just stumbled into the geeky world of scientific experiments. However, proving her validity as a true Geek God, it’s actually the other way round. She used to show up one of the world’s leading special effects companies, Hyneman’s M5 Industries in the hope of getting a job there since she is a film geek who wanted to master the art of combining technology with art to create effects for film.

On her first day at work she was asked to help with a Mythbusters experiment, and since then her role in the show increased gradually until she was a regular. At first she felt uncomfortable on screen as she does not come from an entertainment background, but she got used to it, eventually becoming the cool, sassy Mythbuster we know today.

Byron is actually an artist foremost, and she showcases her sculptures on her website. Since her role on Mythbusters took off, though, she has made a decision to stop exhibiting, as she found that those who would attend exhibitions were mostly just interested in her because of the show.

She posed for FHM, as well as recreating the famous ‘diet coke and mentos’ explosion, which had also been performed on the show, and was voted into their sexiest woman list two years running, earning 68th and 69th place in 2007 and 2008 respectively.

She is married (sorry boys) and gave birth to her first child, a daughter, in February this year, meaning that she is officially now a MILF, as well as, obviously, a GILF. Ok, admittedly she isn’t of the intellectual calibre of most of the geeks in this section and will not be winning a nobel prize anytime soon. But for her rare and potent combination of brains, beauty and great breasts, she remains a true geek godess.

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